TEENAGERS AND SEX
I came to graduation with huge white bows and an anticipation of a new life. And when I was about to get home, the teacher caught me in the corridor and whispered, “I know that you are a decent girl and you are not going to do such stupid things. But … ”And she told me a popular way of protection. UNDER THE LAWS OF EVOLUTION I, of course, was very confused, but it was this conversation that made me think not only about sex, but also about safety and responsibility. Yes, now there is the Internet and children themselves will learn about everything that interests them. But are you sure that they will find the exact site where everything will be written “correctly”? For millions of years, human evolution has continued. And for most of this time, people lived and adapted to conditions that were very different from modern ones. In the middle of the last century, life expectancy was a little over 40 years. In ancient tribes, until the age of 25, it was necessary to have time to produce offspring and grow it to independence. Therefore, in the region of 12 years, children were already considered adults, passed the initiation rite and began to actively multiply. And yes, there were no teenage crises at that time. Naturally, the entire endocrine mechanism in humans is adapted precisely to that “ancient” life: evolution is not a quick thing. Therefore, the hormonal barrage of the body, seeking to enter adulthood, is difficult not to notice. It is this phenomenon that we perceive as difficult adolescence. In fact, it is important to understand that next to a tender, immature childish personality, non-childish passions and physiological reactions coexist. Your child’s body has a genetic memory that includes ancient mechanisms of maturation, sexual behavior, and even aggression. In this regard, the question arises: if a teenager’s body is already ready to hunt and multiply in the same way as in antiquity, can it be worth relaxing and letting the child into adulthood? Where is the line that separates childhood from youth? In fact, of course, there is no talk of the beginning of adulthood – modern society has completely different requirements: not to multiply faster, but to mature fully individually and intellectually. To rush with childbirth with the current life expectancy and medicine is no longer necessary. It is important to understand the physiological processes from which your child is so stormy, but it is even more important to realize that in the conditions of the modern world the psyche does not keep pace with the body, the teenager is not ready to bear full responsibility for his actions, and accordingly, it is also impossible to give him complete freedom. TRUST AND TACT Unfortunately, very often parents of teenagers come to me who have already “lost their hands” and “done things” under the influence of a hormonal storm. It usually turns out that earlier with a teenager sex and puberty were discussed to a minimum, so the child was not able to constructively perceive his awakened instincts and dived into new sensations with his head. Of course, most of us went through this age without much loss. But your direct responsibility as a parent is to minimize risk. Talking about sex and protection should not be perceived by the child as something taboo and shameful. Give him confidence that you will answer any of his questions and share his experiences and anxieties with him if they suddenly appear. At the same time, it is worth remembering about personal space – your child learns to be a woman or a man, and it is important for him to feel that his borders will not be broken by your excessive custody. Frank conversation If the psychological barrier does not allow you to adequately talk with your child about sex – contact a specialist who will teach you how to conduct these conversations. Pay attention – do not take the child away, but learn to be good parents yourself! At the same time and, most likely, solve your problems. Fortunately, today almost everyone knows that children should not tell tales about cabbage, storks and giggle shyly when the child asks where the children come from. But few people understand how to speak with children on such a complex topic: knowing “how wrong” is not equal to “being able to do it right”. The chain of answers (as the child grows and new clarifying questions appear) “from the tummy – doctors get it out – mom has a special place where the baby comes from – mom and dad’s cells met at night …” they all learned more or less. But to answer an older child who is already interested in such questions as “Where is this special place?” And “How exactly did the cells meet and not get lost along the way?”, For many it becomes unrealistically difficult. The first thing that will help you not to get confused at this stage is “biologization”: buy a children’s encyclopedia on human anatomy in advance, in which this topic will be highlighted along with hematopoiesis and the endocrine system at an accessible level for the child. And teach him to turn to her when questions arise about the human body.