Love in three words
Often people ask their relationship partner, “Do you love me?” Moreover, the answer to the question, what does the questioner mean by the word “love”, often there are no clear definitions and criteria.
In this chapter, I offer you my definition of what “love” is in three words.
From my point of view, the definition of the word “love” can fit into three words:
ATTRACTION + COMFORT + TIME
I will not repeat myself with the definition of what attraction is – you can read about it in the corresponding CHAPTER.
By comfort, I mean psychological comfort (not household). That is, the coincidence of biorhythms, characters and needs that partners satisfy in communicating with each other.
Time is one of the three necessary components in this formula. Therefore, “attraction + comfort” for a short time can only be considered as a potential opportunity for the emergence of love, its development, the formation of stable interpersonal relationships and the creation of habits. And if attraction and comfort are present in a couple for six months or a year, then we can already talk about love.
If there is no one of the three components
• If you have no attraction in your relationship, but there is psychological comfort, then you can talk about friendship, a habit, but not love.
• If there is no comfort, but there is attraction, then we are talking about falling in love, passion, or love affection.
• On short terms, I wrote a little higher.
• If there is neither attraction nor comfort, then we can conclude that you are strangers. What a couple you are only formally, if you are still together. In this case, the constituent constant of the “long time” test is already playing against you. That is, love does not develop, but kills it.
Manipulation for the good
Sometimes, when there is too much comfort in a relationship, attraction may decrease. In this case, in order to increase the level of attraction, it is sometimes useful to briefly reduce comfort. And when restoring a sufficient level of attraction – to restore it. This is the question of female inconsistency and the opposites of female “want.”
If, in order for attraction to be present, it is necessary to manipulate comfort most of the time, then this can essentially be called discomfort, that is, a permanent lack of comfort in a relationship. And therefore – the lack of love in them, and the presence of only passion, love, or love dependence. Moreover, even if comfort does not appear over time, this is a strong signal that there will be no love in such a pair. And the longer this period, the less likely it is to occur.
Why is this definition of love useful?
Very often people don’t appreciate the good they have. This does not even happen because of malice or carelessness. And simply because the partners do not understand what is really valuable in a relationship, what needs to be appreciated, and what is worth. When there is such an understanding, then everything falls into place and a clear system of priorities appears. Relations become meaningful, and therefore more honest.
If you do not yet have a partner and relationship, then this understanding will facilitate the search for a partner, or the choice of one of the available candidates, already based on more clear and meaningful criteria. That is, these three basic components.
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Here is such a short and understandable, and most importantly – having practical application, express test to determine the love in your couple (if you are in a relationship). A more advanced test is in the chapter “Expectations and Needs in Relationships”. There, all the components are examined in more detail.