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CONSTANT CONSTITUTION. DOUBLE MESSAGES OF THE Daffodil

This is how it sounds: “I love you! You’re cool! You have to change! Go away It’s all your fault! ”And so in a circle. The irony is that the constancy of the daffodil is its inconstancy.

If you are in love with a person who continually sends you conflicting signals, it can damage your emotional health and even make you doubt the adequacy of perceiving reality. Receiving double messages undermines your faith in your intuition. It is as if you are walking through a minefield because you want to prevent “constant inconstancy” without realizing that it is 100 percent out of your control.

There are other words for this phenomenon: “ambivalence”, “gaslighting” and “brain removal”.

INVISIBLE TRAPS:
False promises or statements. They will repeat to you that you are sure to go somewhere, or they promise to buy you something, but this will never happen.
At first, they do something bad to you, and then they behave as if nothing had happened. If you try to talk about it, the reaction will be something like: “How much you can stir up the past” or “You always have one negative.”
You had a magical date on Friday night, and on Saturday you are tormented by icy silence.
They swear to fulfill your cherished desire, and then they take their promises back, explaining that you yourself are to blame for this. “You shouldn’t do this and that”, “I didn’t even imagine that you were capable of such a thing …”, “It was necessary to think before doing 1, 2, 3 …”
They are lying. Emotional abusers are chronic liars. If you try to hold them accountable, they simply deny everything that you heard from their lips.
Use the “shifter” approach. A person literally becomes a different person after some time. And you are wondering: “Where did he / she go / go? I know for sure that he / she is somewhere inside. ”
They do not back up words with deeds. You hear a lot of plans from the mouth of the abuser, but you don’t see any specific results. Talking about anything is easy, much harder to do something meaningful. Daffodils are masters of making false promises.
Double standards. Here is a great example. Narcissus will chastise you for how you are dressed – even if you look amazing and in great shape – at the same time, he / she may have 20 kg of excess weight and absolutely no desire to take care of his appearance.
The truth is that emotional violence is very destructive, because everything happens gradually and imperceptibly to others. Not only do others not see and understand this, but often the victim too. If you are emotionally abused in the form of double messages, you most likely don’t even realize that you are a victim.

SYMPTOMS OF VICTIM:
CONFUSION
You will constantly wonder, “What happened? Where is he / she? Something went wrong? What have I done / done? How can I fix this? ”If you turn to the abuser for answers, he / she will give you them, but they will hurt you even more and confuse you even more.

EXTERNAL FOCUS ATTENTION
You spend countless hours focusing on another person — his thoughts, feelings, and behavior. In the process, you do not listen to your inner voice, feelings and intuition. You will begin to equip your life, based on the reactions and actions of another person. Since the narcissus has a fragmented personality, you will never find the stability you need.

LOST YOURSELF
Since time after time you do not find confirmation of your vision of reality from another person, you may lose confidence in the adequacy of your assessment. Doubts can concern even personal experience, in the end you will completely lose your sense of reality.

UNLOAD KAPPAN
If the signs described above are familiar to you and you are experiencing something similar right now, you urgently need to take measures to save yourself. First of all, try to stop listening to the other person and start paying attention to what your inner voice is saying. Task number one is to change the usual communicative patterns.

Being in a relationship with an emotional abuser, you gradually learn unhealthy patterns of attachment formation. In order to survive, you have learned to drown yourself, listening only to what the other person is saying. Focus on your own voice, not on someone else.

Changing the focus of attention, you are likely to come across the resistance of the one whom you listened to before. Don’t let this bother you. Understand this – you still could never fully please this person, so you can stop trying. This is the third step – stop walking on the minefield. Just go for a walk. Just be authentic. Say what you want to say and do what you want. Losing control over you, the abuser will lose his temper and actively oppose you. After all, how dare you rebel?

It is important to realize that as soon as you started to listen to yourself and not another person and stopped walking in the minefield, according to the feelings of the daffodil, you declared war.

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