HOW TO TAKE CHILD HUSBAND FROM FIRST MARRIAGE?
Re-marriage may be successful, but it has its own difficulties. How to build relationships with children from the first marriage of her husband? Will this connection prevent harmony in the new family? Will stepbrothers and sisters be friends? Practicing psychologist Tatyana Litvinova answers these and other important questions.
People who have remarried are already “burned”, and these people are anxious: no matter how the previous experience is repeated. Sometimes such couples live in a civil marriage for a long time, slowly registering.
Imagine that, as often happens, a woman marries a divorced man who already has children. Having registered or not yet, they are building a life together, getting used to each other. Husband and wife now have to decide how they will communicate with the relatives of both. And among these relatives are the husband’s children from a previous marriage.
In this situation, everyone faces difficulties: husband and wife, ex-wife, children from the first and second marriage.
DIFFICULTIES OF DADS AND MOMS OF CHILDREN FROM THE FIRST MARRIAGE
Imagine a woman whose former husband and father of her children married another. She fantasizes about how he now lives with another. Maybe this “other” is already expecting a child from a man who was her husband.
Even if a woman was not opposed to divorce, even if she told her friends: “It’s so good that this“ treasure ”is no longer mine!” Are difficult experiences for her.
She represents a man who takes care of the child of another woman, and can feel jealousy, resentment, anger. She remembers the past when the father of her children was with her, when they may have loved each other.
Imagine a dad who has entered into a new marriage. Maybe they are already expecting a baby with their new wife. A man is preparing to become a father again. He, like his ex-wife, cannot help but recall the old family. He compares the old and new wife, and he also has a lot of feelings. This is both hope and anxiety (all of a sudden a new marriage will also not be successful?). He can miss children, feel guilty in front of them because he expects a child not from their mother. It will not be easy for him to talk to them about this.
The difficulty of a man lies in the fact that now he becomes a father in two places.
Will he continue to play a paternal role for children from his first marriage? Will keep contact with their mother? How is communication with a new wife in a man who has native children from her and from another woman?
RELATIONS OF CHILDREN WITH DADDY WHICH DOESN’T LIVE WITH THEM
What is the relationship between the children and the father who left the family after the divorce? Sometimes it happens that a man after a conflict and parting with his wife stops communication with her and with children. It happens that a new wife insists on this. In this case, the father can communicate with them secretly. Usually, father-to-child meetings are becoming increasingly rare. Keeping in touch with children after a divorce is not easy, and relationships will no longer be the same. But this does not mean that they will necessarily worsen. They will inevitably develop in a new way, because a man has obligations to another family. And no matter how bitter it is for children from the previous family, the new family is now the main one.
Contact with a former family is a communication not only with children, but also with an ex-wife. Of course, you can pay child support without talking to the “ex”, but, for example, you have to agree with your mother to pick up the child for the weekend.
For former spouses it is not easy to communicate, both may have a history of resentment, and often they try to avoid direct contacts. For example, transmitting something to each other through a child (“tell your mother …”). There are times when a mother tries to isolate children from her father who has left the family and the child begins to believe that he himself does not want to communicate with such a dad. For example, when father calls, refuses to talk to him.
It happens that the father no longer communicates with children from his first marriage. But most often one way or another keeps in touch. Relations can be different, ranging from rare phone or Skype conversations to regular meetings, inviting children to visit, and traveling with them on vacation.
The relations of these children with his new wife can also be very diverse, ranging from the complete refusal of the new wife to see them (it happens that the husband sees them secretly from her) to frequent meetings and close relationships between them.
NEW WIFE AND RELATIONS BETWEEN CHILDREN FROM THE FIRST AND SECOND MARRIAGE
Will both families allow children to communicate with each other? Will they grow up communicating like brothers and sisters? In cases that are most favorable for the emotional development of children (and for their future ability to build their own families), they communicate and are accepted in both families.
Even in these favorable cases, relationships are complicated by many natural human feelings. Each wife (both former and current) is jealous of a man for another wife, and a child for another family in which he is.
A child from his first marriage is envious of the youngest, who lives with his father, and is offended by his father. Living with his father receives more not only in material terms, he receives more emotionally saturated contacts with dad. All this reinforces the already always existing conventional competition.