“IT IS NOT A KNIGHT AT ALL AND THERE IS NO PRINCESS”
The psychologist, the author of Our Psychology, Irina Solovyova, decided to get to know men better and … registered on a dating site. What psychological types did she meet? How was real and virtual communication? The psychologist wrote about this in her stories.
MEN’S PSYCHOLOGICAL PORTRAITS. NOT A KNIGHT AT ALL
Somewhere once I heard the theory that a man chooses a woman on a biological level, and a woman chooses a man on a psychological level. A man sinks into a woman’s body, and a woman falls into a behavior model.
This does not mean that men necessarily like 90-60-90 blondes (although what kind of heterosexual man does not like them). A man may like a woman with any appearance – but it is about appearance. And not only about facial features, figure – but also about a smile, gestures, gait … About the smell, after all, about this most mysterious “smell of a woman” …
No matter how highly civilized and intelligent we are, one cannot argue against instincts. In the end, if a male of some kind of butterfly can smell it for five kilometers – what makes our human men worse? A man falls on a woman, on her body – and that’s all, even though the grass does not grow.
At the same time – what is most interesting – the final choice of a man in most cases is diametrically opposite to his original ideal.
If he, like a true gentleman, prefers blondes – he will blow his head off the brunette. He loves brunettes – he loves a blonde, he’s not going anywhere. The lover of magnificent forms will get anorexic, and the adherent of aristocratic thinness will be the woman of the work of Rubens or Kustodiev …
But the woman falls for a model of behavior. That is why a man conquers a woman. And – theoretically – any man can “talk” to a woman if he gives out the correct model of behavior. The right one for this woman … Sophia Loren lived all her life in love and harmony with Carlo Ponti, who was by no means handsome. Well, at first he unwound it, was a producer, so to speak, – but then, when she was Sophia Loren, she didn’t divorce him, for the best beauties, who in the movie world to the heap, did not exchange it … And it was to her that the words “Best cosmetics for women – a successful marriage. ”
But with the “right behavior model” everything is complicated. What it is – the most interesting … Akunin has one of the characters, the Japanese Masa, gives advice to a young boy – how to seduce a woman. Like, all women are divided into two types: some are looking for a son in a man, others – for a father. Therefore, we must behave accordingly – either portraying a weak son or a strong dad … Well, the character is comic, it is clear that “in reality, everything is not as it really is,” but there is something in it.
Or maybe some universal formula of behavior exists … Just like most men will most likely react to 90-60-90 …
Legends, tales, myths of love are the same for all peoples. There is no arguing against the Unconscious. The hero conquers the heroine, passing through many obstacles – thereby proving that his genes are worthy to pass on to their offspring. Natural selection. Enrichment of the gene pool …
Yes, a woman falls precisely on a model of a man’s behavior – but this is laid down at the genetic level. Higher education and erudition will not help here.
So, such a theory. Men and women. Appearance and behavior model.
And so I wanted to experiment – is it true? After all, a dating site is a wonderful field, vast expanse for experimentation … What a selection! Thousands of very different people – of different ages, with different levels of education, social status.
I looked through the profiles of other women and noticed: all of them, in general, are divided into two types. The first type – and most of these profiles – is a good girl, looking for a serious relationship, but at the same time the photo is ordinary. Sweetheart, but not very distinguished from the general background.
And the profiles of the second type are beautiful photographs, a bright woman, but she is looking for a “sponsor”.
And I decided to compile these two options. Create a profile is absolutely real – but not standard. I made up the text of the questionnaire – about a serious relationship, without any “sex without obligations”, but at the same time I took a very successful and erotic photo. At first I thought to download from the Internet, but that would be noticeable. Therefore, I took one of my photographs, on which I seem to be like myself, but not quite. It would hardly have occurred to anyone to relate this photograph to the real me. Therefore, I felt more or less safe. It seems to be me – and not me.
That is – a beautiful erotic photo and at the same time a lyrical text about the search for high and bright love, marriage, creating a family and having a baby.
Interesting, I think, but how do men generally react to this? And – “a miracle happened.”
A couple of people quite naturally wrote: they say, girl, you either need to change your profile or photo. Who is so looking for a husband.
Naturally, “hungry for carnal love” came up. But there are enough such offers when a simple photograph is in the questionnaire. So the number of such lovers of easy sex has simply increased.