WHAT DO THE DIVORED WOMEN SORRY
Divorce is always hard. And after it remains a sediment – self-pity, anger at her husband, accumulated resentment. What do women regret after a divorce and how to live on? This is told by a family psychologist and writer Olga Romaniv.
1. “I HAVE MUCH FOR HIM”
“I did so much for him, but he did not value me!” – so often women say after a divorce. The main reason for the termination of relations was precisely this – you lost yourself, disappeared into a husband. Yes, you did everything for him and for his sake, but where were your desires and dreams?
Remember what you were like when you met your future / ex-husband, what attracted him to you. Analyze all past years and all the changes that have occurred to you. Be sure to write it down on paper, so you can evaluate not only the actions of the husband and the process of his cooling to you, but also understand your shortcomings.
Your main mistake is that you yourself put on the altar of relations as a victim and did not notice it.
Analyze this information, draw conclusions to prevent this from happening again.
2. “I HAVE MUCH WORK FOR THE FAMILY”
The other side of the coin is work for the well-being of the family. This seems to be true, which is why it has become a cause of regrets. You realized that building a career and your constant absence from home have caused disagreements, displeasure of your husband and, as a result, divorce.
What has been done is done, and there is no turning back. If you regret your career preference to the detriment of your family, then you understand your mistake.
Learn to separate work from personal life, abstract yourself and switch when you come home. Remember: your family needs you, no benefits and opportunities can replace your attention and participation in the lives of loved ones.
3. “I NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING”
When this reason comes to the fore, consider what its essence is: you regret that you did not ask for help or simply did not receive it. Whatever you see the main reason, the denominator is one: you took all the responsibility for the family and affairs, hoping that you would be supported just like that, without any requests from you. You wanted to prove yourself strong and undemanding, but in fact it turned out that you deprived your man of the opportunity to be needed and to fulfill his duties, rather than self-deny.
Learn to be weak. Understand that asking for help does not make you worse.
Distribute household chores, talk about what’s important to you, and ask for lessons with your children. These rules will help you to enter into new relationships and build them correctly.
4. “I HAVE NOT SAVED OUR MARRIAGE”
That is the reason women who are accustomed to blame themselves for everything. Your guilty complex closes your eyes to the reality of what happened, you look back and look for your mistakes. This is correct, but do not dwell on them, because what has happened cannot be changed.
Consider the gap that has occurred from different angles, constructing the algorithm “If I did so, then …” and finding the right way out of each situation. Think about what exactly you did not notice or did not do.
Draw conclusions from mistakes and do not make them anymore, and most importantly – stop being a victim of situations and circumstances. Take life into your own hands and build it the way you want.
5. “I HAVE NOT GONE MYSELF”
Such regret is built on anger and wounded pride. You do not regret the ruined marriage, but that you did not initiate a divorce. Today, after the termination of the relationship, you are ready to take revenge on your ex-spouse, and not move on. Your goal is to prove your superiority.
Understand one thing: what matters is not who left whom, but why it happened. Perhaps your spouse could not live with the “queen” as you introduced yourself, he needed a woman with whom it was warm and comfortable.
Stop getting angry and thinking about the place. Your man made his choice, and then your paths diverge. But you continue to live – become yourself and move forward.
6. “I DIDN’T KNOW HIM AT ALL”
Throughout the marriage, you looked at your spouse through pink glasses, preferring not to notice much. This position is obviously wrong – marriage implies trust, support and mutual understanding, but you did not have them. You practically didn’t talk, everyone had their own world, and you tried to carefully protect the borders of your world and were not interested in the life of your husband. In this case, there is nothing to regret – you initially chose the wrong path.
No matter how bitter it is to admit, but in a divorce, really most of the responsibility lies with you. Think about it: when getting married, did you want to stay free or to be in a pair? Perhaps this was the wrong decision and you just hurried. But understanding this will not make your life easier, but will only add cause for regret about lost years and opportunities.
Look at the situation differently: you have gained experience, understood your mistakes, and there should not be a return to this.