WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE CHANGE IN CHANGE?
So is betrayal a betrayal? By the way, it is customary to give a negative color to betrayal in everyday life. By definition, betrayal is a failure to fulfill loyalty to anyone, but how do you know where the line is?
THIN FACE BETWEEN CHANGE AND BETTERNESS
Imagine that a friend takes your husband away, for you it will be a betrayal. But she will consider otherwise, for her it is love. Or your spouse, who at the altar promised to be with you for the rest of his days, and after 20 years his feelings died away – is he a traitor? Is he obligated, having once made such a promise, after many years to bear this burden with an unloved woman, with whom even children do not bind him, because they grew up and live their own lives? When he promised – he really believed in it.
In any case, everyone will have their own truth and everyone will truly have their own rights. Everything is born from the value system of each individual. Maybe you should find out about your partner’s values in advance? To learn how the relations of his parents developed, to tell about their own vision of the family and relations, to build certain boundaries.
WHY DO PEOPLE CHANGE?
I think some of you have at least once wondered: why do people cheat? Why periodically pulls “to the side”? And it doesn’t matter to whom you are addressing this question – yourself, your partner, friend, colleague …
Of course, men and women can have different motives, and they can also overlap somewhere. Personally, it seems to me that one of the main reasons for cheating is the inability to communicate.
It is difficult for many of us to really trust our partner, to discuss with him some hidden desires, addictions, hidden interests.
FEATURES OF WOMEN’S CHANGE
To begin with, I want to say about women’s infidelity, because they are less common and raise much more questions. Of course, the most common reason is the desire for love, passion. They are ready to leave only in order to fall in love again, start living together, maybe even arrange a wedding each time, or give birth to children, just to survive this storm of passions again and again. Of course, romance plays an important role here.
A woman wants to be heard. It is important for her to share her experiences, sentimental stories, she needs a conversation, needs an emotional closeness that can be long lost with the person with whom she lives under the same roof.
A frequently occurring consequence may be that a woman intentionally or unconsciously searches for some flaws in her regular partner in order to justify her betrayal, so she muffles her guilt before him.
An important aspect is the connection of a woman with her very first man – with her father. Often, ladies choose not their man as their husband — the one he is — but their father, trying to get the same love and attention or renewing their trauma. But the whole problem is that this man is not a priori a father and, with all his will, will not replace him and will not.
FEATURES OF MEN’S CHANGE
Of course, men may have identical reasons for adultery, but often they just want to make new acquaintances. The new girl is not yet known, she is like an undiscovered universe, he did not see her in a dressing gown, or sick, or in an unattractive light, just as she did not see him. Due to this, he can create any reality. He can tell her that he is an astronaut, and live this new life as a series. And his daily existence no longer seems so boring, monotonous and worthless.
If he has many women, then with each of them he can live his new role. Of these men, Freud wrote: “He who loves many knows women, he who loves one knows love.”
Also often men are embraced by the desire to feel young, still desirable in the eyes of the female, necessary, such as in youth he could not be. Self-assertion is their strong point.
“WAS I MARRIED FOR?”
In our country, there is such a cultural problem as early marriage. The couple seeks to legitimize their relationship as soon as possible. The candy-bouquet period, when partners can enjoy each other and their feelings, does not last long. Lovers are immersed in life, have children. A serious family life begins immediately, with all the obligations, while these people are not sure whether they are ready to live their whole lives together.
And it turns out that they have lived together for so many years, but there’s nothing to remember. In addition, the woman may also be the first man, she has nothing to compare with, doubts are gnawing at her, but is he the only one? “Am I married?”
In this case, a man can try to play this moment with his mistress, get that share of pleasure that the couple receives at the very beginning, out of obligation. He will give his passion flowers and gifts, take her to the movies, walk with her in the parks, hide in the corners like a schoolboy.
And if you dig deeper …
But what if we look at betrayal from a psychoanalytic point of view, deeper, so to speak? Of course, most likely, the first thing we will see is that the betrayer’s parental couple also had betrayals.