Let’s talk soulfully. WHAT HINDS DEEP COMMUNICATION
To create and maintain a trusting relationship, it is important to be able to communicate with each other. It is not just about discussing everyday events. Rather, it is about the importance of talking about feelings, needs, problems and difficulties that arise in the relationship itself or somehow affect them. What hinders deep communication? DIALOGUE PRACTICE Social politeness in everyday communication teaches us to camouflage our true feelings. And to the question “How are you?” Most often we automatically answer: “Everything is fine.” Indeed, with a formal expression of interest in our life, practically no one expects a sincere story about experiences, feelings and thoughts. Unfortunately, this style of communication that works well with the “far circle” can adversely affect close relationships. Remember all those cases when a partner, paying attention to your changed mood, asked what happened, and you reacted with the usual “nothing”. It is wonderful if at this moment everything is really good and the answer was not automatic, but sincere. But unfortunately, most often this is a disconnecting way to hide true experiences and avoid a deeper discussion. And that is what puts close relationships at risk. If open and honest conversations in a couple most often occur in the most difficult crisis situations or under the influence of strong emotions, when the “patience” is full, then frank communication between both partners can, in principle, be perceived as something threatening, dangerous for the relationship. A deeper connection and contact can arise only if, from the very beginning of rapprochement, the couple establishes the practice of regular sincere discussion of each person’s feelings, feelings and perceptions. Such couples are less painful and with less loss go through the crisis stages in the relationship and are better able to deal with complex issues as they arise. How to establish sincere and open communication and what prevents it? LEARNING YOURSELF In close relationships, there may be fear of telling the whole truth about doubts, feelings, and not always pleasant feelings, and hearing the same from your partner in response. The most difficult task is to build such a dialogue without falling into guilt, shame, self-defense, without being wounded and not offended. This will require a lot of joint practice and conscious work on relationships. It is great if you manage to learn this kind of communication in the very early stages of courtship. However, it’s never too late to decide to start talking to each other more openly, even if you’ve been together for many years. Each will need to conduct a thorough self-examination and make a lot of effort to increase awareness. After all, the better you understand yourself, understand your feelings, fears, limitations and reactions, the easier it will be for you to face them and experience them during deep conversations with your loved ones. DO NOT HURRY Do not forget that each of us has our own “pain points”, the discussion and even mention of which is especially sensitive. It can be appearance, weight, education, faith, financial situation, political views and much more. Close people are usually well aware of what issues cause the most acute reaction of the partner. But often inadvertently affect them in communication, which inevitably cause a defensive reaction. And exclude the possibility of an open and deep dialogue. Try to be more attentive and careful to the pain points of a loved one. LISTEN AND HEAR If the partners interrupt each other every now and then, are distracted, upset and cannot concentrate, a sincere and frank conversation will not work. Allow special time for communication – with a glass of wine or a cup of tea after dinner, during a joint evening walk – or just try to retire an hour before bedtime. Not to watch TV or study social networks, but to discuss your feelings, joys, feelings, fears, doubts, anxieties in a sincere and frank conversation. Such a ritual can help strengthen your relationship and make your connection even deeper. I – OK, YOU – OK. Starting a frank conversation, couples are often involved in an argument. Instead of looking for a path to rapprochement, they are torn by all means to gain the upper hand. If a partner asserts himself, strives for “victory” at any cost, hurting, condemning and blaming the other, and proving rightness becomes more important than peace in a relationship, this is not sincere communication, this is a demonstration of strength. The question should not be in the plane of “Who is who?”. Of course, you cannot always be in agreement with each other. One of the benefits of regular conversations is the discovery that disagreement is normal. It is the discovery that you are different, your views are different, but at the same time you can openly and sincerely discuss this, is the best basis for intimacy in a relationship. A healthy confrontation between two unique personalities with their boundaries and opinions is quite appropriate and even better for a relationship than memorized agreement with everything that the other person says.