“HUSBAND MEETS ANOTHER WOMAN …”
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, everything was as it should be, a high-profile wedding, flowers and gifts. My parents bought us an apartment, our first-born son was soon born. We were in seventh heaven. Three years later, our daughter was also born with great joy. When the children grew up, they began to go on vacation together, wherever they had visited! Now I look at these photos, and I can’t even believe it. In general, we were truly friendly and happy. Everything broke in one moment. And he told me that dad is dating another woman, our fast-growing boy. I will not describe my bitter feelings and suffering. She shared only with her mother, she, like all Russian women, advises to endure and not say anything. But I obviously lack the strength for silent suffering. I understand that it’s impossible to live on the brink of a divorce for a long time, you have to make a decision … Is it worth talking to your husband and how to build this conversation? Evgenia, 37 years old. It is definitely worth talking with her husband, otherwise, how else can I figure out the situation? Tolerate and be silent is not a way to cope with a problem, especially since there is a lot of incomprehensible things. There are many questions, and they must be asked to her husband. It will be better if you are inwardly attuned to the conversation and start it when you are more or less calm. Not tired, not cocked, not in a condition when it already seems that “everything, it’s impossible to endure further!” And you should not appeal to your husband at the moment when he is in a hurry, or is busy with something, or is experiencing stress. Otherwise, instead of clarifying the situation, everything can result in a quarrel and even greater confusion. It’s worth thinking about (maybe, first talking to yourself) – and what exactly do I want to find out? Does the husband have other relationships? If so, what does he think of your marriage? If the answer is disappointing for you, what will you do – file for divorce, or try to save the family, or put forward some conditions for your husband on which you will be ready to build a life together further? Of course, it is important to consider the emotional safety of children, not forgetting that you and your husband are first of all their beloved parents. Very often, almost always, the affected party feels guilty and tries to find the reason why the partner has changed, in himself. I do not advise delving into this, since the responsibility for treason lies entirely with the one who cheats. You must first clarify the situation and figure out how to be you as spouses. 15 years of marriage is a long time, by this time couples have a lot of shared baggage: older children, good life, shared memories, habits, the ability to feel each other and understand without words. Treason in a long-term relationship is almost always a signal that it is time to change something, to revise, even if it seems that “everything is fine.” But any changes begin with an understanding of what is actually happening.