Do you know how to put up? 28 WAYS TO RESTORE THE WORLD AFTER CONFLICT
No matter how hard we try, disagreements in the relationship are inevitable. Misunderstanding, broken agreements, unmet needs, unhealed wounds and other reasons push us straight to the conflict. Relationship friction alone is not a problem. The most important thing is how we react to them. Strong relationships rest on partners’ ability to quickly restore intimacy after it has been broken. Look at the following examples: 1. Acceptance. Partners are not afraid of conflicts to the extent that they deny the existence of problems. They strive to tell the truth when something goes wrong in a relationship. 2. Attitude. Partners believe that conflicts are not dangerous and can even be beneficial if they conflict correctly. The dark side of the relationship makes it possible to compare how different partners experience and see the same situation. If you take it creatively, it can lead to even more understanding in a couple. 3. Deep breathing. It helps to slow down and calm an excited mind in order to think more clearly. 4. Security. When partners are ready to invest in relationships, trust and willingness to continue dialogue on both sides arise in order to come to some kind of conclusion, even if the feelings are very strong. 5. Self-discipline. It helps to resist the temptation to bring criticism on a partner. Self-discipline helps to separate what we feel from what we express or how we behave. We can pause and think that it is better to say so that the dialogue becomes more productive. 6. Inactive hearing. When we truly listen to another person, he feels that we care and that we want to understand how he feels and what he needs. 7. Rephrasing. This is a repetition of what the partner said in his own words. “I correctly understood (a) that you …” helps to avoid distortions of meaning. And the partner calms down and relaxes, realizing that they heard him. 8. True intonation. Better to avoid a sharp accusatory tone. 9. Manipulation. Any manipulations (avoidance, threats, ultimatums, attempts to distract, etc.) force people to defend themselves. We are fully capable of realizing our own manipulation strategies and getting rid of them. 10. Questions. With the help of questions, we show that we want to understand the point of view of another person. 11. Requests. Demands and orders repel people. Asking instead of criticism is a good way to avoid negativity. 12. Feedback. When we give feedback, we do not criticize, but share our own reactions to what the other person is saying or doing. 13. Respect. We can convey our dissatisfaction and disappointment to the partner tactfully, without charge. 14. Planning. An effective way to make peace is to agree on the rules in advance (for example, “speak using” I-utterances “,” do not shout, “” do not call names, “” do not threaten, “” any of the partners can take a timeout “). Mentally and verbally returning to these pre-agreed rules, we can prepare to begin a conciliatory conversation. 15. Points of contact. These are the moments in which we converge. It is easier for us to feel that we are more likely one team than the warring parties. 16. Reasonable self-interest. A good approach is to explain to the partner how a change in attitude or behavior will benefit both. 17. Variability. Avoid polarized thinking, which is characterized by the division into good and bad, right and wrong, “either – or.” It helps to think creatively and pulls out of dead ends. 18. The principle of a sandwich. Start with a sincere recognition of good qualities, then say something you don’t like, and then praise again. This will help emphasize the good in a relationship, and difficulties will seem surmountable. 19. Flexibility. The decisive step towards reconciliation is to take control of your desire to be right at all costs. As long as we insist on our innocence, our partner may feel that he is completely wrong, and we both lose from this. 20. Curiosity. Sincere interest in the painful points (of oneself and one’s partner) left by childhood injuries or adult relationships will shed light on why something hurts us so much. Examining these wounds can be healing, and as a result, we can become less reactive. 21. Live and learn. Learning from each other is an enriching experience. Since opposites attract, we find ourselves in relationships with people who differ in attitude, style, beliefs, and even some values. When we learn the strong qualities of our partners, we grow.